I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Bring me that man meat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
