he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
