problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
