but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
