New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
