allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
