i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
