You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
