Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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