Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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