my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
