Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
