oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
