By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
