i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pants are for mortals
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
