why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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