sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
