I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
