Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
