I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
