And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
