just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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