I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
as a side note pls kill me
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