I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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