Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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