I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
