Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
