It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
