I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
