last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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