I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
