you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
