Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
