im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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