Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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