you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
