I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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