You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You ate ashes out of my bong
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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