Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
