Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
