Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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