yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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