According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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