im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
