the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
