Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
