I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
