You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
