First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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