"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
