And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
