She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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