I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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