so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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